Tag: #badday

Ebb and Flow

Good days and bad days endlessly ebb and flow.

Why do the good days go by so quickly and the bad ones seem to drag on forever?

I feel a little silly when that figurative shadow passes and the light in my heart is burning brightly again.  It happens every time. Yet somewhere in my mind I still doubt that I am going to feel that light again.  But always, I do!

It is a wonderful feeling, and perhaps that is the point of it all.  If I didn’t suffer from despair some days, would I be able to experience true joy on others? 

Of course, this is not an original concept.  It has been around since the beginning of time. So why do we have such a hard time accepting it?

I think many of us want to feel good all the time.  Whatever that means.

What is feeling good?  The pursuit of pleasure and happiness?  There was a time in my life when I equated that with the purpose of my life.  Constantly I sought out FUN, happiness, pleasure!  I tried it on for size.  But it never quite fit the way I thought it would.  I think I was constantly trying to convince myself that I felt good.

Nowadays, I am not even sure what feeling good means.  Feeling good… What a shallow term.  How about feeling full of life and light?  That I can relate to.  That has depth that means something to me.  Feeling good…it’s too elusive.  That fleeting moment can come and go in an instant.  Not to mention if I am constantly worried about whether or not I’m feeling good, chances are I’m not going to feel good.  I’m going to feel worried… And I’m going to be stuck on myself. And I’m going to be stuck in my head, which often is a rather precarious place to be.

So no, I don’t always feel good.

But damn it, I do feel pretty content.

There are days when I doubt myself, my purpose, my place in the world.  But those days make the other days burn brighter.  My heart leaps with joy at the renewal of my spirit.  It is a pretty phenomenal feeling.

Let us remember that no one feels good all the time.

It simply isn’t the human condition.

If you meet someone who says they feel good all the time–they’re lying.  Call me a cynic, but I just don’t believe it. 

I do believe we have choices. We can choose to look at the glass half full.  We can shift our perspective, as I have touched on before. We can connect with others and give thanks for what we have. But to expect ourselves to always have that giddy feel-good sensation is to set us up for a lifetime of disappointment with the world and ourselves.

Ups and downs.  Round and around.  This is the pattern of life.  It all works together to create a mosaic that is who we are and what we experience.

Without sorrow, there is not joy.

Without despair, there is not hope.

Without darkness, there is not light.

Let me remember there is a reason and a season for all things.

So ride that wave–Surf’s up!

What to Do When the Sun Doesn’t Shine

There are days where I wake up and the world seems bleak. It just happens. There doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to it. I can intellectually know I have so many things to be grateful for, but somehow that gratitude doesn’t seem to make it from my head to my heart.

And then I’ll hear someone say something inane like “It’s never too late to start your day over and have a great day!”

I say bullshit.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating languishing in self-pity and despair for days on end, but I think the expectation that we can just arbitrarily change our entire view of the world around by a simple thought is ridiculous.  Perhaps those people are more balanced than I am, I don’t know.

In my experience, there are days we simply must get through.  I practice prayer and meditation on a regular basis and this helps me immensely.  I also practice reaching out to others, growing my community.  And being real!

It doesn’t help your day get better if someone asks you how you’re doing and you lie and say “Oh, just great! Life is amazing. There’s so much to be grateful for,” while secretly wanting to slap the silly smiles off of peoples’ faces (let’s face it, it’s only human).

Far better of an answer is “You know what, today is kinda rough.  I don’t know what’s going on but I’m not feeling very connected.” Or insert other honest answer.

Honesty is the key to growth and honest and open communication with others is the only way to experience true connectedness.  And through true connectedness comes a lot of healing.  The reality is we are all very much the same.  We may come from different backgrounds, we may be different genders, different races, but at the core of it, we are all human beings.  We experience the ups and downs of life.  Not one of us is without some struggle, some cross to bear.  So let’s talk about it!

A trouble shared is a trouble halved as the saying goes.

Someone has to open up the conversation to transparency with those close to us.  It does us no good to pretend, to isolate.  In fact, in my experience, it typically gets worse. 

Sometimes when I share the troubles that I seem to be having, they seem to lose their imposing quality and shrink in the light of day.  The darkness shrivels up when it’s exposed to the light, but when we hide it away inside, it grows and grows.

So.. the next time you’re having a rough day.  Try to suck it up and change your attitude.  If that doesn’t work, like it often doesn’t for me, stop taking yourself so damn seriously and talk to someone about it.  You might be surprised at the effectiveness of it.  Sometimes changing your day around doesn’t mean a transformation into sunshine and rainbows, but it might lighten up a thunderstorm into a tolerable drizzle.  And there will be many sunny days on the horizon.

Always remember, this too shall pass.